You Are Not That –

“These eyes, thru which I hoped to see God, are the eyes thru which God sees me” Rainbow Eye, Youtuber

… “What am I doing? Where am I going? What will become of me?” …

you hear/feel such questions, asking themselves within? Do you identify with them? If so, how much? How deep are you willing to go to find your true self? Do you think your true self would be plagued by such questions? Or can you see them, step back, & witness that as mind-based activity?

The real You is in no way confused — period. Can Source be confused, feel lost, not know which end is up, which way to go? The question for all awakening ones at some point is this: “With what am I identifying? What & who do I believe I am?”


Such deep inner pondering comes with a warning.

Be aware that there’s a death far more painful than physical death — the death of who you now think you are, who you believe yourself to be. The pain of this death is in direct proportion to the extent you’re currently mind-identified. That aspect of the false self — result of poor choices in the past — will experience the exquisite torture of complete loss of identity.

Some have called this bit of the awakening trek The Dark Night of the Soul — & it is, only it isn’t the soul going through the agony, but our pseudo-identity within & as mind. Having been through such a phase more than once before, this is the first time I’m going through it with this much awareness, with significant ability to recognize who & what is feeling that pain.

Mind would like to think that, this being the case, it should be no difficulty to step out of the pain. Mind would be off-base with this, for mind knows nothing of Heart. While it helps a good bit to have stepped away from being deeply identified with the whole mind-body thing, whatever portions of identity remain wed to mind will experience the pain of this death.

If we knew with which aspects of mind we were yet identified, you’d think we could just cut loose from them. I’m not finding it works like that. That’s just more of mind at work, thinking it knows this or that. It is perhaps mostly on subconscious & unconscious levels where the remaining linkage abides. Who has access, full access to that? So it hurts. 😒


What helps the one going through this is Heart awareness. Heart just knows that the pain comes from identifying with what is ultimately unreal. At such times our soul family, our Guides are ever so close — yet, if we allow the self to sink into a sense of suffering, we cut them off, blocking their access to us.

Why is that? It’s a foolish move to make such a descent in consciousness, thinking to offer solace or comfort to anyone. They know better, being too Loving, too Wise to descend to lower levels, where they’d also be cut off from their own higher consciousness. They’d be left with nothing to offer the one suffering, so both would lose out. We think we do such things prompted by compassion, but they are self-defeating, thus displaying themselves as mind (or ego) in action.

This could be called a spiritual initiation, friends — it’s no small deal. To the extent we descend into a sense of suffering, we cut ourselves off from the bright Light that we are. These are important times for the soul, the being we are. They form major landmarks on our awakening trek Home. It is with the intention of accepting these very challenges that we incarnated, this time.


The Dark Night of the Soul is not a one-time thing, so if you’ve already been there, done that, that doesn’t mean it won’t happen, again. It’s experienced differently each time, since we, ourselves, are different each time it arises. The courage of our Inner Being is such that we won’t turn away from the pain — yet we’re not stupid, either.

We don’t choose unnecessary suffering, so we bring all of our Inner Being to bear at this time.

By now, we realize that it’s only mind, the pseudo-identity doing the suffering, so we isolate ourselves from that, entering MOM (Mind-Observer Mode) as much as we can. The parts of us feeling the pain we realize are not our true Being, but it hurts, all the same. If we knew in which ways we remained entangled in mind’s skein, its web, we’d eagerly exit them, pronto — but we don’t.

Thus, does it seem difficult, thus is it a hard stage in which to be. The very not-knowing-ness of it is deeply awkward. We seem unable to act in our own best interests — yet we recognize that too, as just more of mind at work. If there is any doing that needs to happen, we’ll be the witness of that happening. Source is the Dancer, we are the dance.

Our task, now, is just to be — being true to Self in the NowHere.


We have the opportunity to refuse to identify with the pain by entering into any sense of suffering, by playing the victim in that way. While it may seem that we have no support, no one & nothing in which we can find solace, find comfort — that’s mind, too. These are the steps taken in faith, knowing what Heart knows — what we’ve thus far experienced of that.

We know what is real, being better able than ever to spot the lie, to discern Truth.

To the extent that our body is subject to any physical pain, that may increase during this phase. We lovingly nurture the body through as best we can. In the earlier times I went through such a shift there was a sense of hopelessness, a feeling as if all was somehow lost, all that was of worth. That’s not here, now, which is great. Being much more identified with Higher Self, soul, Inner Being — call it what you will — helps significantly.

Don’t be afraid of these times, friends — they make for powerful shifts in you. On the other side of such a phase, you’ll be so glad, so happy that you soldiered through to the best of your current ability — which you will find has increased. We can choose to either identify with the painful aspects of the Dark Night or with Who we truly are, placing full faith & ever more of our identity, there. Free will is key.

We just trust that our way will be revealed, taking one step at a time, sticking like glue to our NowHere experience.


Pain & suffering are not the same thing.

Some pain in life is unavoidable — suffering is not. The one suffering is making a choice to do that, to feel that way, often unconsciously. It all rests on the perspective chosen at the time — in the Now that is all that ever exists. I don’t suggest going off into mind, into flights of fancy with this — but it is also true that you — the Real You — also fully exist in every Now. All of your lifetimes on whatever dimensions are also occurring Now.

While knowing this — from direct Heart experience, not thought — can be solidly strengthening, be on the look-out for mind playing games of escapism. Those bring temporary relief, but don’t really help. It can also be helpful to see ourselves as Warriors of Light — powerfully strong, able to conquer anything that besets. While we are indeed, that — this is also potential escapist fare for the mind.

Discretion, discernment, & wisdom are called forth by such times. Anyone who has ever truly had experience within Heart well knows we’ve got whatever it takes, period. End of story. It’s not in question. Anchoring there with stubborn determination can be useful, as well. It won’t necessarily take all the pain away, but can soften it, significantly.

When you Know you can bear simply anything, that’s half the battle won, do you see?


The Power brought to bear during the Dark Night is the extreme push to further identify with the Real Being, with the actual self as Source-in-form. It’s a powerful potential time to experience the awkward, difficult internal shifting of our identity into what’s Real, out of what’s not. The motivating factor may well be the pain. (Yes, it can be seen as a gift, a blessing.)

This separates out the men from the boys, as they say. I won’t say “Wusses need not apply,” because wusses don’t make it to this point. They gave-up & went elsewhere (in the playground of 3D mind) long before this stage arrived. Many put this off for another day, another lifetime — but far fewer will do so in this Aquarian Age, which will be known for the Spiritual Warriors so many became, true & brave.

Ulysses & The Sirens — Waterhouse, Nat’l Gallery, Melbourne, Australia

This might be an opportunity to spend some time reading or listening to Homer’s Odyssey, suggested by 12D some years ago. In such a tale, we can imbibe the great courage, the willingness to take whatever challenges Life provides, powerfully determined to conquer to the best of our abilities. Remember, too, friends, we’ve been kings, queens, warriors, & heroes in many lifetimes. That’s in our DNA, available in every NowHere, regardless of how ‘nowhere’ it may currently seem.

This phase will either pull out the best in you — or the worst — you’re in charge. Via free will you get to choose which aspect of your Being with which to identify. It won’t be easy, either way, but the inner sense you get of choosing the best & the highest, as you now see them, is immense. It’s a clean, pure feeling to use your free will to choose who you want to be when you grow-up. 😆



4:07 pm, Thursday 2017/10/12, 2nd, Mayan day 5 (Empowerment) Wisdom / Cib

PS The brave ones will read this from Heart, where they will feel some of the pain. Let it bring the potential blessing & benefit it offers.

Theresa-Ann Harvey on the awakening trek, seeing everything thru new eyes. Leaving the 4 university degrees & the left brain aside to discover Self as awareness