Sharing a Victory — A Painful One
Phoenix Rising Out of Agony’s Ashes
Reading someone’s beautiful, though exquisitely painful sharing about their current situation — how they were seeking the hidden Beauty there — inspires me to share on that level, so buckle up. This may hurt.
Why & how could it hurt you? We’re all One, & none of us can avoid the heart-breaking challenges that come our way. So it may well resonate.
These often concern family, our dearest ones; the ones we’re committed to go through life with. Doesn’t always work out. We’re well ahead of the game to know that Source/God sends only angels our way, but what about when those blessings come in terrible wrapping when they bring pain?
Where’s the blessing in that?
Within us. The knowledge that Life brings only blessings along with the awareness that we’re Source-in-form well equips us to handle all that arises. We’re in much better shape than the woman who’s had 7 husbands, each one abusive. She doesn’t yet know herSelf as Source-in-form. She’s still seeking externally what’s strictly an inside job.
She runs from the pain — then repeats it — setting herself up for yet another repeat. Some people do things like this by moving to a new place, thinking to run from what seemed overwhelming in the old one — only to discover the same situations forming, just with different faces, different things.
The “lucky” ones notice the repetition & recognize the self as the only common denominator.
That’s not luck, of course; there’s no such thing. That’s an aspect of being aware, of awakening, something accessible to all, just not via the mind. In such seemingly terrible, i.e., challenging situations, there’s no book, no church or preacher, no counselor — no one & nothing to tell us what to do, what “success” looks like for us — only Heart.
We’re ahead of the game with the 2 prior blessings — knowing that Life brings only angels our way & that we’re Source-in-form — but a 3rd blessing comes into play, here: self-Love. We’re taught to love others, but precious few are taught the primary, the critical importance of first Loving the self. We’ll continue to stumble through certain situations without it, never quite mastering them.
We must Love the self first.
That’s ever so hard for some to hear, perhaps since we’ve been taught contrary things — such as that it’s selfish to put ourselves above or before others. Let’s look at that. Mentally, yes, putting yourself above others amounts to arrogance, but we’re in Heart with all of this, so it’s got nothing to do with arrogance.
You want to Love others? Love the self! You want to Respect others? Respect the self/Self! If you want that which you give others to be real & true, you must first have it to give. You have it to give when you’ve already given it to you. Otherwise, we bestow what looks like a gift, but Heart knows it’s but the imitation, the wrapping paper, absent what could be bestowed — the real deal.
Do you ever feel like you’re just going through the motions of Life?
The mind tries with all it’s got, but it just doesn’t have certain things to give, Heart-centric things. Sometimes our gift from Source/God is that which informs us we need to enter Heart, that our mind doesn’t have what it takes to deliver what we want. You can’t use a calculator to wash the clothes. Our mind is our super-duper fantastic calculator, not our be-all & end-all solution to everything.
I’ve come in, lifetime after lifetime, just knowing that Love is the way, the crowning glory, the divine solution to all that arises — or so I thought. Being a stubborn type, I’d apply that through thick or thin, no matter how much pain I was in, trusting Love to bring the desired result, the resolution, eventually.
This time around, I had to go a different route; I had to learn a better way. My mind was still too much in charge AND I wasn’t truly Loving myself. My co-actor this go-round was my daughter, my only child — one who took stubbornness to a whole new exponential level (which some call Oppositional-Defiant Disorder). 😃
I’ll spare you the details, but the painful situations were many. She had it hard, too, spending part of her life in a children’s home because I refused to give up on her, to let her run wild with wayward friends who would bring her down a dark path.
I wanted her to get better help than I, as a single parent, could offer. Though I got my M.Ed. in Early Childhood Special Education strictly to help me be the best mother I could be to her — never using it to make a living — it wasn’t enough. We both needed more.
A Mother’s Love is something to be reckoned with, something truly transcendent. I had to be in Heart with my girl, period. It was often beyond gut-wrenching, even taking me to the floor in pain, but we plowed through, she grew up & moved out.
Finally, years later & through the intensity of pain as I drove to the cop shop to turn her in for her latest theft — something I’d never done — I realized the importance of Loving myself.
We do ourselves no favors to spend ourselves, entirely, in service to someone else, anyone else. We don’t help them, either, as my daughter, through this situation, would later teach me.
She helped me realize that, from her perspective, things would only keep ramping up, she getting ever more self-destructive until I called a halt in what I’d allow. She said what I did stopped the tailspin she was in, doing drugs, even contemplating suicide.
By turning her in for the theft of the gold coins I’d set aside for my retirement — which she used to fix her car — she was forced to face & deal with what she was doing to herself. Sitting in jail for a while can do that. Since she’d already unsealed the collector's coins from their cases & spent them, she couldn’t simply return them, so she spent a short time incarcerated.
That wasn’t the only time I was gut-wrenchingly brought to face my out-of-whack priorities, putting others first. Years later, she was to be my introduction to crystal meth, to how it can basically take your loved one(s) from you while it takes them from themselves. They become crazy, strangers to both themselves & to you.
I’m now paying off the loan I took out to repair the damage she & her beau did to my home while living here for about 6 months, taking advantage of my ignorance & my love. Not only my daughter but I, too, had to learn some things the very, very hard way.
I like to think of our stubbornness as God’s socks turned inside out. When we learn to flip them, it’s great! 😆
What have I learned? Oh my, where shall I begin? It’s mostly simple, actually: to put myself/mySelf first by truly Loving me. When I serve that self, the Self that I am is invited onto the scene, is put in control. That One Knows far better than I, the human, the ego-mind, could ever dream of knowing.
I learned that by Loving Self first, all others were also Loved & served; served more perfectly than any mind could have managed to do. My girl has given me ample feedback that she’s been blessed, she’s benefitted, too. We’re still very close & on good terms.
I’ve learned that I KNOW NOTHING. It was being too much in the mind that made me think my old ways were actually Love. Yes, there were strong elements of that, but when our mind is the decision-maker, it only knows love — not the same at all. It does its best, & I regret nothing, for every step bore eventual fruit.
Did all of this have a fairy-tale ending? 🌈 Absolutely not.
I learned the wisdom of making both my land & my home off-limits to her, a literal no-trespassing zone. She knows the police will be part of any visit she makes. She gets to make her own choices in life & I totally support that. Meanwhile, due to the choices she’s been consistently making, she’s not welcome here, in close physical proximity to me.
Some will never understand that, which is also fine. Some things take walking a mile in those shoes to comprehend. I couldn’t have understood/innerstood this, otherwise, either. It’s just the best, the wisest, the most peace-making choice for us both. It prevents the possibility of further harmful actions taking place & we both acknowledge that.
The Love is there, along with some necessary spaces in our togetherness.
Could it have been less painful? I don’t know. Perhaps. Would I have grown & expanded as much, learned as much? I doubt it. No regrets. When you truly give it your all, whether you’re coming from the mind or from Heart, then there’s no place for regrets. You did your best at the time, & that’s enough; more than enough, it’s beautiful, it’s perfect. ❤️
It’s actually perfect if you learn & grow from it, not letting it destroy you. It becomes easy to see how Knowing that Life/God/Source sends us only blessings makes all of this work out so beautifully. If you’re still into wanting fairy-tale endings to things, you’re still in the programmed mind, friends.
For me, this IS a fairy-tale “ending” — even though there’s no such thing as an “ending” in our eternity — for I live amid the expansion, the joyous outcome of Love’s reign over my life in every way. My daughter has made tremendous inner gains, gains in maturity & wisdom that wouldn’t have otherwise been possible.
The rest of the choices are & must ever be hers to make.
I can’t say, “It’s been great,” since that’s not the case. It’s been massively challenging, but even “massively challenging,” even heart-wrenchingly painful comes chock full of gifts, of blessings for those who find their way into Heart’s perspective on Life, the Wisdom & Peace that brings.
Our growth & expansion, our rise in frequency & vibration are guaranteed when we turn over the reins to let Heart reign in our life. Side note: we add the “g” for “God” to “rein” to get “reign.” Interesting. 😆
Bottom line: we’re in charge, no one else. We can’t & shouldn’t try to control them, but we can reign over our own life. We are the royalty, there.
We’re all sovereigns in Heart. This is also why no book or list of answers can be given. Our answers, like us, are unique. 🌈
Back to add a video displaying the Beauty of stubbornness, of God’s socks turned right-side out. Had this young woman given up at any point & believed the doctors, this wouldn’t have been possible:
~♥~
Namaste
11:02 a.m., Tuesday, 2019/05/21 — Mayan day 6 Wind / Ik
