Self-Worth — Losing the External God Gig, pt 4

“These eyes, thru which I hoped to see God, are the eyes thru which God sees me” — Rainbow Eye, Youtuber

hat shall arise, here? What is arising within you? Are you feeling your way into this amazingly deep thing you once thought of as your self? Are your boundaries widening, even just a bit? Mine are — perpetually. It’s really bizarre from some perspectives, but hey, it’s fun — so why not go with it?


Don’t expect to be understood, however. That’s one of the first things to release. Heck, even when we thought we were understood, before, were we really? It’s questionable at times. What is “understanding,” anyway? It depends, right? On who you ask, on what their life trek has been, thus far. One of those totally relative things.

Okay, my English is degrading, here. What’s with that I don’t know — but hey, it’s fun. And what is “fun?” Is that not relative, as well? Do we really have anything we can define that isn’t relative in some way? I rather doubt it, actually — don’t know about you. The deeper we go, the clearer this becomes.


If we could all manage to find some contentment just being us, who we are, that would rock.

We all think we’re broken in some way — or many ways. What’s with that? Does that feel right to you? Does it even make sense? We may have bits & pieces, parts that we don’t know where they fit into the overall puzzle that is self, but broken? No way! Source-in-form is not broken, no siree.

It’s time to quit judging ourselves, period.

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.

Albert Einstein

As quoted in The Rhythm of Life : Living Every Day with Passion and Purpose(2004) by Matthew Kelly, p. 80

No more comparing the self to others, to anyone else. I’d say, “That’s for the birds,” but it’s not good enough for them, either. It’s borderline insane, the way I see it. How much pain, suffering, & trauma would vanish on the instant we all make this agreement with ourselves? All of that would be like birds with nowhere to perch, to alight.

Did you know that we create our own grief?

We create the story that produces it, whether we yet see this or not. Two people in the exact same circumstances won’t respond the same way. Even if they choose to give token obedience to what’s being demanded, their inner experience & response will differ.

Humanity is one, yet each member is unique.

Sometimes I see us as a massive spherical crystal, each one of us a facet with our own unique view on everything. So we’re still one, yet also unique. I like that view. When we identify as the One, we can see from that perspective, all facets being differing aspects of the one Self. Yet, we can also refocus back into our facet perspective.

It’s all about choice, with a good dose of flexibility thrown in.


How flexible are you, how easily able to shift perspectives on things? This isn’t anything we were taught, of course. We were trained to sit in neat, orderly rows, pulling our feet in so as not to trip someone who wanted to pass through, raising our hand in silence if we had something to say.

Yeah, right. Nice try. It isn’t going to work, though. We’re throwing so much of that stuff out, choosing instead to be Who we truly are — whatever that is, lol.

Where are we going? Nowhere. Just Here, NowHere, the seeming nowhere of that. I hate to break the news, but we already arrived long ago — or we never left. We just forgot, ROFL. Yeah, try to sell that to some professor or other. Good luck. No, best to keep most of this awakening stuff to the self. Hey, silence isn’t touted in so many old teachings for no reason. It’s awesome stuff — or no stuff — or whatever, it’s just cool.


So, if you already arrived, if you’re already “awakened” on some level of your Being, what then? What’s a guy or a gal supposed to do with that? It’s pretty radical stuff to say that we’re already there — especially when it doesn’t seem that way, right? Why not?

Look within. What do you think is the answer, the reason? Could it have to do with The Matrix crap, with the programming, with the endless beliefs we’re fed on every hand? Could that be in the way of our direct experience of our Inner Being? You bet it could!


We’ve got so very much to ditch that it sometimes seems overwhelming, even just spotting the various beliefs so that we can run them by Heart, mostly on their way out. This is where we recognize the action, the impact of time. Whenever we leave the NowHere focus we usually enter the trap, the Matrix trap.

The mind refuses to sit still & just be, endlessly time-traveling into future & past.

The big release lever for that one is to first recognize it when it’s happening, then snap back into our NowHere experience — just that. Nothing else. You see, all of that other stuff from elsewhere in time also impacts the NowHere, so it’s already present, no traveling required. We don’t yet understand time well — if at all. Like everything else, time isn’t what mind takes it to be.

The cross on which humanity is placed is formed of two bars, yes — one time, one space. The point where they join is the NowHere. Our minds cannot just travel in time, but also in space, where we can be anywhere with a thought, instantly — perhaps because we’re already there.

All time is just Now, with future & past being aspects or elements of that.

Likewise with space, when we’re centered in the One, in the faceted crystal of That, we’re also everywhere at once — but only through Heart focus, pinned squarely on the nexus of the cross. Who hasn’t traveled time & space via thought? They don’t exist as the limits the mind takes them to be. 😉

These are only analogies, of course, so feel free to make-up your own as you experience connection with That. We’re also a symphony, & the harmonies made by our unique notes are magnificent — on inner levels, not so much the superficial physical level. We’re not just the divine Dance, we’re also the Symphony of Source, all playing our parts via our unique instruments.

We each fit in perfectly, just in ways we have yet to fully explore.

There’s a perfect reason for each encounter we have. It helps to know that when you start your day, for it has a powerful effect on our attitude. If thought is creative, is powerful, this is one way to experience that. You can have the same sort of encounters you had yesterday, yet the way you experience them will be different.

We color the view, & to a much greater extent than we’re yet aware.


Due to the sharply limited range of our physical senses, most of Reality is beyond our reach — sort of. Not really. The way out is ever within. Have you noticed? We have many other senses, but to the extent we’re firmly reliant on the physical ones, that’s what we get — the stripped-down physical experience.

These inner senses seem to activate on their own, no how-to manual included — or needed. In a very real way, we’re just along for the ride. The choreography goes on at other levels — & we participate in that, too. You bet! Yet, who has connected with their Higher Self to check this out? We get some of it in (some) dreams, so it’s not just times of meditation we’re talking about.


Actually, as we take this awakening trek, we get very meditative, indeed — only it’s so woven into the life we’re living that it’s almost like never leaving the (meditation) mat. Eventually, it becomes a lived state, not something we make time to do. There’s very little “doing” involved in such a life, actually. It’s in Being that the doings just seem to arise, we know not how nor why. They just do.

“The Tao abides in non-action,
Yet nothing is left undone.”

Tao Te Ching

It feels good, so we go with that.

Are you noticing a theme, here? Could it be finding our way into just feeling good? When aligned with our Inner Being, we’re much like a cork on the water — we just float, naturally. If something pulls us below the surface, we rise back up, no sort of doing required. We have a natural buoyancy that sees to that.

So what’s called for in us to enable that?

One thing & one thing only — getting out of our own way. That’s really all there is to it, yet it’s ever so much more tricky than it sounds, I know. We have so much baggage on board with us that you never know what’s going to trip us up. Whatever it is seems to come from left field, but it doesn’t. It’s designed specifically for us, with benefits included, no matter what the appearance may be.


A lot of this buoyancy has to do with attitude shifts, as you may have already noticed. We take ourselves into a much more powerful state as we “do” the various things we can to withdraw from the whole Matrix thing — & from our heavy reliance on the mind & what it has to say about anything.

Eventually, we’re shown how we’re actually taking our power back this way, & that’s neat. We feel less & less need to prove ourselves to anyone over anything. We’re more willing to be true to the self, to go with our own peculiar flow, asking no one’s permission.

We’re stronger — we feel it.

We’re learning to sense our Inner Being in its flow, aligning with that. We recognize that we’re the one authority in the world on being our self. No one else can tell us how to do that, thanks but no thanks. Due to whatever situation it may be wise to just listen & keep our mouth shut, our face rather impassive. Hey, we don’t have to reveal everything that’s going on, inside. We don’t owe anyone that.


We’re less combative, altogether. Whatever fight was in us all tracked back to the mind & to divergent views of whatever it was. We see that. We can make allowances now for others since we’re finally making them for the self. We’re seeing, first hand, what it means that you can’t give what you don’t have, yourself — including simple respect.

We’ve grown a lot in self-respect, perhaps even Self-Respect, honoring the Inner Being discovered within. I’ve been naturally bhakti my whole life, so awakening for me was a bit rough. I was so deeply devotional & I was losing my outlet for that, the whole external God gig. I was prayerful as heck, back then.

Who do you pray to, to whom are you devoted when the external God gig collapses? With natal Moon in Cancer, as all women in my family have, we’re just built that way. It was rough. When you find Source within, it can really rock the devotional boat. You surely don’t start worshiping the self, lol.

Anyway, not to detail that all here, just to share that you never know what part of your life is going to explode on you along the way. We’re all unique, & the only constant I’ve noticed in life is change, itself, so on the surface, it all looks rather like shooting craps. No wonder the poor mind gets confused, huh?


The whole getting-out-of-your-way thing is about learning/remembering to shift from doing to being. Here, we don’t do, though perhaps you could say we are done — Source being the doer. So it’s all about allowing, about flowing, much like water, finding the best course, undeterred, undisturbed by whatever boulders are in place. You just flow.

There’s a calm serenity at the core of each of us, friends.

There’s great power in just knowing it exists, not to mention the awesomeness of touching down into that along the way. Before too long you find yourself living from there, that strange sort of perpetual meditation I mentioned, earlier. As you enable that, now you just flow. No more resistance to anything do you find, within. It just drops away, somehow.

This stuff is stranger than heck to the mind, of course — but you already knew that from your own journey. Oh, what a laugh it was when the journal/blog, Your Daily Mind Fu¢k, came though last month — oh, how I laughed. And OMG, if you knew me way back when, you’d be shocked. Never an off-color word escaped these lips, much less publishing such a thing. I was judgmental, indeed. 😆

Anyway, it’s at least 10 or 20 lifetimes I seem to have lived, already, this time around. I am so not like those other parts I was playing, earlier on — nor do I expect to identify with who I am, now, further on. It’s a flow if you choose to experience it like that. You’re all of it, not just the bit of stream you can see, gurgling by.

You’re not only NOT held down by other people in your life, you’re not even held back or down by yourself!

Ralph Waldo Emerson stated such things so very beautifully in his series of essays, which I highly recommend. He left regular ministry & came up with something new — Transcendentalism, no less. He never preached at people, though, he just shared. Awesome Heart stuff.

So who will you be, in this life that you’re leading, now? We have it in us to be the fullness of Who we truly are, folks. We just have to cut the ties that bind us in any way, & yes, sometimes that hurts. Yet, in this liquid flow we’re mastering, that hurt doesn’t last, as it once did. No more grudges, carried on insanely, even through the generations. Sheesh!

We find ourselves able to let everything go that wants to go.

We don’t hold on to anything, as we just know that there’s no need for that, no use for it. It would just get in our way, & we come to know that — so we release, trusting the flow. As we get good at this, we come to see, ever more often, how what we resented or resisted only seemed to be in others, but that its source was really in the self.

Somehow, some way, it was us fighting us.

There’s no telling how it is we’ll come to this, but we will. Some things seem universal, in spite of our uniqueness. Those things usually tie back to Truth in some way which we’ll also be shown — to the extent we’re open & flowing, of course.

There are times when we’re brought to something where we’re called to stand, face, & conquer — but we no longer search those things out. They’ll come on their own, & it will be right within the flow that we are.


Depending on where we are regarding our awakening trek, we’ll perhaps even be led to see how not one single thing that ever happened to us did us any real harm, the Source aspect of us being un-harm-able. It was all actually Lovingly designed to bring out the best in us. Further, on some level of our being we invited it, we wanted it, knowing the potential benefit it held — though admittedly it sometimes takes years to see how it helped us develop.

When you see simply everything as a blessing of one sort or another, what’s to fight? What’s to conquer — that is, outside of the self? No matter what it is, it is polishing the diamond of self. Such an attitude is not only empowering, it’s so amazing I could probably do a whole journal on just that.

Ultimately, it all gets down to self, to owning not just the good stuff, but the challenging stuff, as well — to be that loyal to Truth that we’re willing to see whatever it is from these deeper levels of being. We choose tougher lifetimes at times, along with the boring or happier ones. All of that is behind us, now, if we like. All it takes is waking-up, lol. There’s always more delight in store, behind every NowHere that seems to pass, while staying firmly put.

“The Tao abides in non-action,
Yet nothing is left undone.”

Tao Te Ching

Couldn’t have said it better than that. 😉



10:17 pm, Monday 2017/10/30, 2nd, Mayan day 10 Jaguar / Ix

Theresa-Ann Harvey on the awakening trek, seeing everything thru new eyes. Leaving the 4 university degrees & the left brain aside to discover Self as awareness