I-statements vs You-statements
Be in Heart, where the deepest resonance abides. The mind is great, but its world is far more limited than that of Heart, our central core. It’s the best-case scenario when the mind is but a tool, an adjunct to the one centered, within.
I want to share the great power I’ve found in sticking to only “I-statements” in my interactions with others. No more will I make “you statements,” such as, “You seem grouchy” or “You are wrong about that.” Instead, what I offer is only & ever about me.
“I FEEL…”
For instance, if something you said bothered me, my response would likely be about how it makes me feel, i.e., “I feel minimized (angry, upset…) when you say that.” Since we’re not in charge, in control of anything but the self, it makes sense to stick with self, not telling others what to do, or how to do it — unless they ask.
This arises naturally from a deep Respect for others — for all of life. At our core, in the depths of Heart, we are all Love; it’s the very foundation of our Being, summed up in one (inadequate) word — Love. (The initial cap indicates it comes from Heart, rather than mind.) Though this respect may start in our mind, on its deepest level it goes to Heart, where it‘s directly experienced, not just talked about.
Those who’ve been with me on this journey are aware I seldom share “tips & tricks.” We’re all so very different, so distinct that one tool works differently for each of us. However, by sticking with this agreement (to use only I-statements) such peace has come into my relationships that it moves me to share.
MAKE AN AGREEMENT
It has to be an agreement, of course — between you & those with whom you converse. While you can stick to it personally with everyone, not everyone will “get it” sufficiently to join you in such an agreement. That’s fine, as everyone is in charge of the self, having the right to make their own decisions. Respecting their free will is very much a part of this exercise, this personal choice.
Arguments just can’t erupt in the presence of I-statements, which give them no fodder, no field. Over a very short period a new peace in relationships results. It takes a bit of time to eliminate old habits, but the best way to remove them is by installing new, more desirable ones. The old ways just fade away with a bit of time & perseverance.
NO MORE WAR
If the world would adopt this, there would be no more war, no more insane aggression. Peace would reign, instead of the crappy ways we tend to treat one another. I’m not sure how well this would work for someone stuck predominantly in mind, but with persistence, one’s habits can be changed.
It’s far more wonderful to be in that space/place of Heart, where the deeper feelings flow in & as our experience.
We have no right to tell others how to be, how to speak, how to behave. They are the sovereign of their life. This agreement works with our children, too, but it’s important not to force it on them, but rather present it as desirable, as something that makes for a happier life.
My suggestion, then, is to begin to implement this simple strategy in all of our relationships, then watch the transformation take place — & it will! Wishing you the greatest joy & satisfaction in life.
~♥~
11:48 am, Wednesday 2017/04/26, Mayan day 5 Manik/Deer
