Not sure how to respond to your post, Vygintas — so very deep, so clearly sincere. What is steady in your life — solid, wending its way through the whole of it? Identifying some things like that could be steadying, could be helpful with the variations, the wide swings that make-up a part of it.
One thing that messes humanity up is the tendency to compare — mostly the self to the other(s). It messes with everyone’s head. I don’t find anything useful in it, as who is to say who has it “right,” & who has it “wrong?” No one can do that for us but ourselves — & we’re only able to do it about the self, too, not anyone/anything else.
Yeah, we exceed our boundaries all the time — thinking to control anything/anyone beyond the self. Doesn’t usually work out well, yet we, as humanity, don’t seem to learn. We’re all in a precarious place, somehow — hanging onto the ledge, trying to decide — jump or go on? Jump into something different, for we feel there just has to be something else, ya know?
Life is an interesting journey, to be sure — yet, interesting for different reasons. We’re all unique, impossible as that seems to believe. At our core we’re all one, but few go that deep to discover it. Still, it’s there, which can bring some comfort. In truth, no one is either worse or better than anyone else — different, yes.
Yes, we live in the Matrix, but we’re not limited to that. As we find our way deeper within, into what I call Heart, we find that mind isn’t the big deal, the be-all & end-all most take it to be. We’re not limited to being beings of mind, we’ve got that awkward bit some call spirit or soul — or just consciousness. We are so much more!
I’m glad you’re sharing, here, writing down your musings & thoughts. It may help some understand others with schizophrenia better, which would be great. What I hope for you is that you find a way to enjoy the journey, ups, downs, & all. I don’t personally believe our real journey ever ends, interspersed with lifetimes as it goes. In a realm of infinity-eternity, who needs endings, anyway. The whole point, to me, is in enjoying the trek.
Namaste
~♥~
PS Lots of people think I’m a bit crazy, too — but I’ve learned that living for me, by my standards, is the way to go. If they don’t get it, I can’t help that — nor is it my responsibility to explain. It’s all good. 👍
