Awakening from the Illusory Self

“These eyes, thru which I hoped to see God, are the eyes thru which God sees me” Rainbow Eye by Youtuber1204

There is no self that awakens, that somehow discovers self, nor even what I’ve been calling Self. Awakening turns out to be more an awakening from the whole notion, the actual illusion that any sort of self/Self even exists. Most of us have already established that we nether know nor can we prove who or even what this self is in whom we’ve vested such deep belief.

We continue to discover that everything is both so & not so, the two-sided coin of duality — of 3D — yet it goes even deeper than that — lol, as if that were not already enough. It’s a wondrous discovery, continually shocking the mind. We find that what we see is entirely dependent on what perspective we choose to take. It seems that the perspectives are somehow endless. Poor mind. 😆

The deeper we get into what we thought we knew, the closer we come to the nowhere — the emptiness of seeming appearances. We find ourselves more willing to say, “This is what seems to be,” than “This is what is. This is what I know it to be.”

Enter, stage left, the willingness to say, “I don’t know. Maybe.” If I look at it this way, it looks excellent, yet if I look at it this other way, not so much. Equally true for the reverse, for the things that appear terrible. Are they, really?

Regardless of where you are along this journey, that’s the perfect place — for you. Not necessarily for anyone else — just for you. We’re stopping the old comparison game. It’s run its course, having no more that’s useful to offer to the awakening ones. For others, it retains some use, so we don’t interfere as much, trying to convince anyone that our view, our way is the “right” one. Too much clarity on-board for that, now.

As the illusions are continually pierced, we actually begin to experience a certain enjoyment. We now see through the many beliefs we once held so firmly. We’re laughing at self, all along the way, now — having a right good time of it, too. We find ourselves in MOM, Mind-Observer Mode, more & more often; getting comfortable with that, yet not too comfortable, mind you. 😏We’re not interested in developing new beliefs.

Where are we headed? We don’t ask that question so much, anymore, either. Often enough we’ve seen through whatever it is into the nowhere, the nothing, the emptiness. The only “destination,” & it’s not even that, is the NowHere — right where we are, if we’d just pay attention, placing our full focus here. It’s an end in itself, in a way of speaking.

None of this is making sense to the mind — we’re aware of that. We take both mind & thoughts far less seriously, now — realizing how that is generally a mechanism to chase our tail around in endless circles, going nowhere we want to be. Mind has wonderful uses, but none of them have anything to do with awakening — we’re seeing that, now, in the strange clarity that seems to be a property of the nowhere, the NowHere.

We can’t explain any of this to anyone in a satisfactory way. Yet, we realize that is merely mind, looking to be satisfied, & we see the Gordian knot, there. We may be speechless, tongue-tied, yet we’ve found an underlying satisfaction that’s more real than any apparent manifestation. So what, if we can’t explain it — we laugh. 😆 It’s all good, somehow — we don’t need to explain.


Many of us find our way into journaling at some point along this trek. Mind isn’t finished wanting to understand, to figure things out. We often receive insights while journaling that just aren’t accessible, otherwise. There’s both a comfort & a mystery, there, as we let whatever’s in there, speak. Think I’ll quit calling it any sort of self — it is not. It’s more the absence than the presence of self or Self.

If you’ve read many of the journals, here, you realize that’s a big move for me. It worked for a long while to help me sort out the various discoveries. Now it just doesn’t work — appreciation to the journal alchemy, & to the Life alchemy it reflects back to me. Journaling has increased “self-awareness” while awakening. 😆 Let’s just call it “awareness,” & leave it there.

We note the shifting in our use of language, reflecting our shifting in consciousness — our increased clarity. Sometimes it’s even Clarity — shocking, amazing — but only to mind. We have much more recognition of mind at work, versus — versus what? Versus when the emptiness speaks.


Let’s look at DNA for a moment. What is that? The deeper we look, the more we peer into the Oneness of all Life — all living “things” including viruses. (There are no “things,” but it will have to do, for now.) How is it that humanity could share so much DNA with a banana (50 or 60%), for instance — with a tree? Just what is this stuff, this DNA? What does its presence in all of life tell us? (We also share about 60% of DNA with a fruit fly & with a chicken. 😲)

For one thing, it’s a witness to the oneness of all. Though we find no DNA in the rocks, the minerals, the crystal — the supposedly inanimate, static stuff, yet there is awareness there, too. If you haven’t already discovered this, I’ll share here that everything is conscious — in its own, unique way.

The grass is aware of your footfalls as you traverse it — vitally aware. The crystal has its own awareness as you hold & admire it. It’s only humanity, stuck in the mind Matrix, that has been all but unaware, stuck in our mechanistic perspective on everything.

Life is more akin to a tightly-knit weave, perhaps to fine silk, than to separate, individual things. There is no underlying separation, here — anywhere. After all, we use the word so casually, but what does oneness really mean? Let’s get well beyond the whole quantum-entanglement thing as we cease trying to use mind to comprehend the incomprehensible. Mind cannot know, & it’s a great day when you come to this realization — truly freeing! 🎆✨


No one is taking us out of the Matrix, folks — that’s strictly do-it-yourself stuff — yeah, the nonexistent self who can’t “do” diddly-squat. Do you see how delightfully this stuff pretzels the mind? It’s a real blast, once we get into the flow, begin to align with What Is, leaving ever more illusion in the dust.

From my perspective, it’s important to be intentionally pulling our identity out of 3D, away from believing we are the body or even the mind. Whatever we are, we are not just that. We know not what we are, but it’s clear as day that we are not limited. We’re surrendering the illusion of a separate self, as we peer deeper into the underlying oneness, everywhere.

Though it takes a while, eventually we drop all of the questions, finding “we” no longer require any answers. It doesn’t matter. We’re more content to just let it be, knowing it just is what it is — & our awareness around that serves no purpose — contributes nothing. We’re already as aware as “we” need to be.

Yes, that represents a greater letting-go than many have yet experienced, but it’s on the horizon for us all. It’s just a matter of aligning with what’s internal — the nothing — the no thing. Things are not real, & we grok that, somehow. It doesn’t matter that our mind can have no comprehension of any of it. We just find our way into an acceptance that mind cannot know. We let that go. Thus, do the questions begin to cease.

“This is not a state of omniscience, wherein all of man’s eternal questions are answered; rather it is a state in which the questioning has stopped.”

U.G. Krishnamurti, Mystique of Enlightenment, part 1

We’re all as unique flowers in the garden of That — we could call it Source, but even that’s just a word. We’re ever more aware of how all words, all language, are but the map — never the actual territory. Thus, we place less & ever less reliance on them, recognizing their limited capacity.


We have much less tendency to get into any sort of argumentation, finding it totally pointless. What would it prove if we won? It’s naught but mind games. We see that more often, now.

“I discovered for myself and by myself that there is no self to realize — that’s the realization I am talking about. It comes as a shattering blow. It hits you like a thunderbolt. You have invested everything in one basket, self-realization, and, in the end, suddenly you discover that there is no self to discover, no self to realize — and you say to yourself “What the hell have I been doing all my life?!” That blasts you. [Emphasis mine]

UG: You see, the search takes you away from yourself — it is in the opposite direction — it has absolutely no relation.

Q: In spite of it, it has happened, not because of it?

UG: In spite of it — yes, that’s the word. All that you do makes it impossible for what already is there to express itself. That is why I call this ‘your natural state’. You’re always in that state. What prevents what is there from expressing itself in its own way is the search. The search is always in the wrong direction, so all that you consider very profound, all that you consider sacred, is a contamination in that consciousness.” [Emphasis mine]

U.G. Krishnamurti, Mystique of Enlightenment, part 1

Yes, it’s a real mind-fuck, but since you’re not the mind, “you” take no offense. Only minds are able to take offense — Source being “for” simply everything, has no ability to be offended. It takes being in the consciousness of the two — of the multiplicity of manifestations — for one to offend & another to be offended. It’s stuff & nonsense — but not until we realize & accept it as so. Until then, based on our Belief Systems, we can be offended.


As we look ever deeper, we begin to recognize comparison at work, in all the workings of mind. We find it at the base of every dispute, every argument, every war — every misunderstanding. As we steadily lose our belief in a this & that, in any sort of two-ness, the game of comparison is seen for what it is — ridiculous, nonsensical, & pointless!

Gallileo Galilei — The Mission on

Early on in awakening, we look up to the great sages, saints & luminaries. We admire what we take to be their state of consciousness, emulating that — following them, seeking that for ourselves. At this point we retain belief in the separation — in the separate self, not having tasted deeply, yet, of the underlying oneness.

We don’t yet see the self as Don Quixote, tilting at windmills in such undertakings, calling that “our spiritual path.” We don’t yet see this as mind at work, chasing its proverbial tail. Too many beliefs still on-board. U.G. managed to blast right through that illusion, misusing comparison as it does, us to the Buddha, for instance:

“There can’t be another Ramanujacharya within the framework of that school of thought. They have left behind — either they have left behind, or the followers have created — these small, tiny, little colonies. And so all those colonies are fighting all the time — whether you should have the “U” nama or the “V” nama, fighting in the courts whether the elephants should have a “V” mark or a “U” mark. The whole thing has degenerated and deteriorated into such a triviality nowadays.”

U.G. Krishnamurti, Mystique of Enlightenment, part 3

For as long as we retain belief in separation, in separate people having separate experiences, we hold some up as ideals, & see some as failures or losers. The next step is to adopt a set of ideals & seek to somehow attain them. It’s destined to fail, based on false premises, as it is.

We are our own unique flower in the divine garden, & what other flowers look like, how they bloom or don’t bloom, means nothing to us. What if the rose tried to emulate the daisy it admired? Could that produce any useful outcome? Suddenly, the rose finds itself unhappy with what it simply is — finding no more satisfaction in its being. This is poison, pollution of mind entering in where it doesn’t belong. It is corruption.


Let’s be the satisfied rose, friends, delighting throughout life in our rose-ness — in the warm light of the sun, the blessing of rain, the breath of the breeze, the visit of the bee, the butterfly. It doesn’t matter to the rose what her “parents” were, what her brothers & sisters are doing, what anyone or anything else thinks or does or doesn’t do. She’s happily busy just being herself, enjoying her rose-ness for the duration of life.

We could learn much from the rose, from any aspect of Nature, as well as from our human children. They’re not born into the Matrix — we help put them there. Yet, before they’re totally in that, they’re the breath of fresh air of what is natural. As we move toward deeper respect for Nature, we’re better able to view what is there, in them — to relate to it — to the benefit of us all.


So goes our growth in humility, which is the other side of the coin of mind’s innate arrogance — always thinking, believing it knows best. BS to that! We learn to celebrate every notch mind is taken down — realizing that as an aspect of our actual growth. We grow as we diminish. Growth into we-know-not-what, but that matters less & less, as we get lost in the Joy of simply Being, for a change — a welcome change.

No matter how brilliant the mind, how well it has sorted out the things of life, our new Clarity is ever at work, busting that down. We gladly sweep-up the mess it left in our life, bidding every bit of it good riddance. We’re emptying out the Aegean Stables, it seems at times — but only to mind, never to That, Who/Which is simply having a good time. (Seeing it as such hard, endless work is just an indication you momentarily stepped out of the NowHere-ness of it all.)

Underlying literally all of it — everything — is the most amazing beneficence, a benevolence beyond compare. Love what you are, the nothingness of that, as you celebrate Life, more & more. Trust this unknowable You, revealing ever more of itself as you learn to get out of the way.

Bon voyage!


1:22 pm, Monday 2017/10/02, 1st — Mayan day 8 Death or Transformer / Cimi



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Theresa-Ann Harvey on the awakening trek, seeing everything thru new eyes. Leaving the 4 university degrees & the left brain aside to discover Self as awareness