#Identity #NotTheMind #BeliefsDon’tHelp
The Early Stages
Awakening from the Matrix daze, the mind hack installed over the decades, the centuries, even the millennia, turns out to be nothing like what we expected. We have all sorts of Belief Systems around waking up, none of which pin the tail on this particular donkey.
We’re not who (& what) we think we are, for starters.
Identity is at the core of this, forming the entry gate to awakening. Those attempting to pass into it prior to examining their own identity or self-definition are only kidding themselves as it’s not the mind that awakens — nor is it the mind to which we awaken.
This is where most go off-track, using the temporary, illusory ego, the body-mind to seek the divine. It doesn’t make sense, Heart sense. Until we’re willing to be stripped of all we thought we knew, we’re going nowhere fast. It’s eye-of-the-needle time, our entry requiring that we do some serious letting go.
What’s blocking our entry, our awakening? All we think & believe that we know.
Do let that sink in. The mind must truly be dethroned. We only think we know where we’re going — we don’t. It’s upon our acceptance that we don’t know that something is unlocked & made accessible.
I don’t suggest the route I took into this, which was to make an enemy of my mind. Seeing that it was in my way, somehow managing to block further awakening, I didn’t see far enough ahead to recognize that our mind is also a useful companion. We just have to master it rather than let it continue to master us.
That’s a very big deal, a show-stopper (or -pauser) for many.
We haven’t been taught that we have or have access to a much higher level of intelligence, what we could call divine Intelligence. Yet who is it that can access this? Not the ego/mind for sure.
“We” don’t actually access this. It’s more like we are this, more like It takes charge, accessing & guiding us. It’s more than strange at the start. One of the biggest challenges is to back off & just observe, to witness the flow of actions, of words through us. We could call this a spiritual identity crisis.
All that we put into this more than pays off at some point. We’ve taken on a lot of density along with our Belief Systems so that is in process of falling away. We don’t recognize these things, initially, we just know things are mighty strange, & those sufficiently receptive to speak to about this are few & far between.
We learn to keep our mouth shut & just observe — both self & others.
We feel so very alone. We watch relationships morph & shift. We’re unable to explain ourselves. Our answer to most questions is a consistent, “I don’t know,” which we mostly keep to ourselves. We don’t know how we got here, why we’re here, or what to do. We don’t even know where we are.
It’s transition time. We’re walking between the worlds, the inner & outer realms which we can also dub as Heart & the head. With one foot in each world, we’re in a better position to observe, to experience an increased clarity which is often surprising. It’s just different, somehow, not at all like the mind’s clarity, a lesser thing.
We could also say that we’re in the trenches. We discover that, not only do we not know what’s what on the world scene, even among those close to us, but stranger, yet, we don’t even know the Self. We’ve known only the lesser self, lower-case “s,” but now we’re being introduced to, being guided by the Greater Self — to the extent we get out of our own way.
We’re in the process of watching our beliefs fade away, first watching them become steadily less important, then, one by one, discovering that they’re gone. We watch the ego slipping, at least in importance, as well.
It’s all quite strange & disconcerting, but we march on, continuing to self-observe.
We’re heartened by the clarity that sometimes arises, by what it delivers to our understanding, knowing our mind couldn’t have come up with that. Though we don’t know how or from whence the clarity arises — nor even what it is — we’re getting better at quietly observing, at accepting & embracing so much that’s new — new to the mind.
At some point, we realize we have a new perspective on our mind — from outside of it. There’s an increased ability, a new clarity which helps us see into the self. We begin to recognize the internal source of our troubles. We don’t so much make internal changes as watch them somehow being made. It’s endlessly strange during this period, but improving.
Important internal things are improving.
How do we know that? We sense it, hard pressed to explain it any better than that. It’s one of those new inner Knowings, so clearly trumping any & all mental knowledge.
To the extent we’re willing to walk for a time in this sort of twilight space, we move deeper into awakening. The one consistent theme is eventually seen to be that we don’t truly know anything. It’s in our not knowing that we’re somehow illumined, strange though that sounds.
We have a growing acceptance for what is, perhaps often finding ourselves realizing that “It is what it is,” recognizing the okay-ness of that. We’re going through major perspective shifting. Things are somehow improving. We’re feeling much better in our own skin.
It’s a strange time, a strange way to be, yet we’re good with it, with the rug continually being pulled out from under our feet, with our inability to put any of this into words.
As we’re somehow lessening — the outer, egoic self — we’re finding ourselves entering more deeply into an aspect of ourselves that we didn’t even recognize, before — our Inner Being, our core, our soul, Higher Self — call it what you will.
Words matter less, now.
At some point, we recognize that we’re able to read the energy, the energies of people & things — yet another strange thing as we walk on. There’s a new contentment that has far less to do with outer circumstances & associations, far more to do with our Inner Being. We’re more independent than we’ve ever been, yet also less, also sensing the Oneness of it all.
Perhaps the one thing that’s so much easier to recognize, now, is that every coin, everything, every experience has two sides. In our ability to step back from letting the mind rule our life, we find it easier to perceive both how the mind & Heart view whatever it is, recognizing our ability to choose our perspectives from a wider range of possibilities.
It may be a rocky start, but we’re well on our way into awakening, now, which our soul quietly celebrates. While it’s true that this is NOTHING like what we expected, we now know that the “we,” the “I” that was doing the expecting is not ultimately real, is not who we truly are.
We’re finally able to celebrate not knowing instead of always giving in to the mind’s need to know. It’s fun to let that go, to release our tight hold on it. One of the greatest experiences is learning to actually love & respect the self/Self, something we just were not taught.
We’ve only just begun to see into our Source-in-form Self, so fully deserving of our deep Love & respect. Through the eye of the needle of the NowHere, we discover & fall in Love with an endless present moment we never knew existed.
Tuesday, 2018/12/04 — Mayan day 7 Jaguar / Ix